A Guide to Comparative Religions

I've said for a long time that if I ever won the lottery, I wanted to quit my job and become a full-time student. One thing I would love to study is theology.

Here is scaled down version of the different ideologies

Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it’s not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it’s the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are bad.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit.
Atheism: No shit.
Jehovah’s Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn’t bother me.
Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit.

Meh, according to the poster in my room it goes like this

Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius says Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it’s not really shit.
Zen: What is the sound of Shit happening
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it’s the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Let Shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism: If Shit happens, you deserve it.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Atheism: I don't believe this shit.
Agnosticism: What is this shit?